The Cheese Demon
by angelandbolt
Summary: Cheese is everywhere and no one knows why but Naboo has an idea of what it might be so he warns Vince and Howard but Vince gets cocky and it all goes down hill from there.....
1. Chapter 1

The mighty boosh fan fiction

The cheese Demon

It was early one morning when Vince was woken with a jump, he had, had a pretty nasty nightmare.

He got up and was walking to his mirror when he saw a small block of cheese on the floor. He picked it up and smelt it. "Hair first then breakfast!" he said to himself referring to the cheese he had just found. He straightened his hair and made it pretty then he went over to the cheese and was just about to take a bite of the lush, beautiful, divine smelling cheese when Naboo came in and shouted at Vince. "Don't eat that!"

"Why, is it yours?" he asked wondering why Naboo would leave his cheese on his bedroom floor.

"No, why would I eat cheese?"

"Well maybe you were....." Vince didn't get to finish his comeback because Naboo butted in

"This is cheese from the planet xooberon it can carry diseases or poison!"

Naboo went and got a little scanner like you would see at an airport and ran it over the cheese."

A little red light appeared on the ceiling that said EVIL in bold letters.

"If you had eaten that you would have died."

Vince stared at Naboo until he got freaked out and left the room.

Vince went to brush his teeth but while he is doing so a plant with a block of cheese for a head, an eye on both side and leaf and root hands and feet appeared at the window. The plant stared at Vince. Vince stared back using the same stare he had used to freak Naboo out. The stare had no affect on the plant. Vince turned away to put his toothbrush in the cupboard but when he looked back the plant was gone. Vince looked out the window for any clues to where it might be but it was scarce.

Vince ran straight to Naboo and told him what had happened and Naboo calmly lifted out his book of demons and showed Vince a picture of a plant and asked him if it resembled the thing he saw.

It was a drawing of a plant just like the cheese plant he had seen in the window.

Thankfully Naboo knew what to and gave Vince a ring with a violet gem in the middle.

"Wear this at all times." He told Vince

"Thanks but I'll have to change to wear this."

"This ring has great importance."

"Oh really?"

"If you rub cheese on it the gem shall change colour."

"What colour is bad cheese?"

"if it is bad it will be dark, black being the worst."

"What about good cheese?"  
"Violet."

"Got it!"

At lunch time Howard and Vince went out to have lunch.

First Vince ordered a banana. The lady handed it to him but as soon as he held it the banana turned to cheese. Vince stared at it somewhat confused.

"Is there a problem with that banana?" the lady asked

"No" Vince replied and sat down

"I saw that." Howard said as he sat down

"It was weird." Vince said

Vince took a bite of the cheese after rubbing it on the ring because it turned violet.

"What does it taste like?" Howard asked him as his swallowed

"It tastes just like a banana!" said Vince flabbergasted

They left the shop but not before Vince had bought a chocolate bar which now, to them, looked like cheese!

Vince took a bite of the cheese.

"Did you check that on your ring?"

"No"

"Why not that could kill you!"

"Well I know what it is, it's chocolate!"

"Well don't eat any more until you check it."

"Why bother!" Vince said taking another bite

"Don't do that!" Howard yelled as he swiped it out of his hands

"Give me the ring!"

"Give me my cheese!"

"Look, just give me the ring."

"Fine" Vince said holding out the ring but as Howard grabbed it Vince changed his mind and tried to swipe it back but in the end the ring and the cheese both fell out of their hands and went down into a drain.

"Now look what you did!" Howard said

"What I did?" Vince replied shocked

They both walked off but what they didn't know was that the cheese landed on top of the gem and it turned a deep black.

When they got home Vince ran straight to the bathroom and didn't come out for three hours!

Howard knew exactly what was going on and decided that it was for his own good.

Naboo came out of his room after hearing three hours worth of retching and throwing up.

"Whats going on?" he asked Howard

"Go talk to Vince about that."

"Where is he?"

"In his room."

Naboo went into Vince's room and found him in his bed.

"Vince?"

Vince was facing the wall and did not reply to Naboo even though he was fully awake.

"Are you all right?"

Vince felt terrible but he didn't want to tell Naboo why.

"I know you are awake." Naboo said but he didn't really, he just hoped that if he was awake that he would trick him.

Vince had been the victim of this trick before and knew to stay still and silent.

Naboo left the room still wondering if Vince had tricked him instead.

"So what did he say?" Howard asked imagining the whole story and their expressions.

"He's sleeping." Naboo said a bit disappointed because the look on Howard's face suggested that it might have been a pretty good story.

"No, he's not!" said Howard getting up and storming into Vince's room like a headmaster would do to find a runaway child.

"Vince!" Howard yelled

"What?" Vince asked still not moving but he had to reply because he knew that Howard knew he was awake.

"Naboo, Come here!"

Naboo entered the room to see Vince even paler than normal face.

"What happened?" he asked Vince

"Nothing." Vince replied lying down again and rolling onto his side.

"Vince, tell the truth." Howard demanded

"Where's Bollo?"

"He is out getting some supplies."

"Oh, could you tell him that I want him when he comes back?"

"Will do"

"Stop changing the subject and tell Naboo what happened." Howard said

"The ring went down the gutter." He said quietly

"What?"

"The ring went down the gutter." He said repeating it with such regret in his voice that he nearly cried.

"Did you get it back?"

"No, but it's not my fault!

"Whose fault is it then?"

Vince looked at Howard going to blame him but Howard mouthed "Don't you dare!"

"It was some old lady."

"How?"

"She hit me with her bag and pulled it off my finger."

"Why didn't you get it back?"

"I don't know." Vince said as he pulled the covers over his head like a child that was hoping his parents would go away.

"Vince, I have a feeling that you are lying."

"I am." Vince said stubbornly getting bored of lying. His head was too sore to make any witty excuses so he had given up but at least he could say that he had tried.

"Tell me the truth." Naboo said more sternly than last time.

Vince tried to reply but all that came out was a mess of words and gibberish.

"Are you okay?"

Again Vince tried to reply but it wasn't translatable.

Naboo walked out of the room positive that Vince was just being stubborn so he went and got his book of spells.

"Vince, come here or you are in deep trouble."

Vince tried to come but his legs shook and he fell to the floor.

"Vince?"

Howard tried to bring Vince back round but he was deeply unconscious.

Howard decided to be kind to his friend and told Naboo what happened and that it was his fault instead of Vince's.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

At sunset Vince's head was aching. He looked around but couldn't see anybody. He wasn't on the floor anymore and he definitely wasn't in his room. He was on a bed but not in any of his friends rooms either. His vision was still blurry so he rubbed his eyes to clear it. He was in a yellow room and the bed he was on was yellow too. He had never seen this room before and he had a strange feeling that he didn't want to be here either.

He sat up and the world seemed to spin but he waited till it settled before trying to move.

He stood up steadying his slender body on one of the sturdy wooden bed posts. He regained his balance and started to look around a bit more and started searching through cupboards and closets. He always had been pretty curious and downright nosey to tell the truth. In a chest of drawers he found cheese of all different sizes, colours and shapes. He chose to ignore it and looked somewhere else. In a cupboard he found lots more cheese and a little poster box and scrawled on it in crayon were the words "Self Portrait." Vince opened the box and studied the portrait with a great deal of concentration. He knew he had seen this figure before but he couldn't remember where. His head was too sore and scrambled to remember what the cheese demon had looked like. He suddenly remembered that every room had a door so he went over to the door but it was locked but thankfully not with a key. Just with the kind of metal lock that you would find in a bathroom.

Vince had a coin in his pocket that he always kept for some reason. It was only 2p but he knew that someday it would come in handy. Today was its time to shine! He wedged it into the slit on the lock and twisted it ever so slowly and silently until he heard a faint click. He was free! He slowly opened the door but it creaked which didn't really help him at all. He walked out to what seemed like a hallway but it was all yellow the walls, the ceiling and the floor. He took another step. All the yellow was making his head spin. Nobody else seemed to be in the house. Vince found the stairs and they too were yellow. At the bottom of the stairs Vince heard a noise. A smashing noise. Vince got to his knees and crawled closer to where the noise had come from. He crawled behind a cupboard and watched a shadow move around the kitchen. Then the figure passed him and he finally realised who it was. "The cheese demon." He whispered suddenly realising what danger he was in. The plant started to walk up the stairs and once it got to the top Vince rushed to the front door trying to open it. He scrabbled at the many locks trying his hardest to pick them but what he didn't know was that the cheese demon was right behind him. It observed his behaviour for a while then it put its strong leafy hands around Vince's waist and simply lifted him up and moved his slim figure away from the door and onto a sofa which was nearby.

"Who are you and what do you want!" Vince yelled in terror as the plant stared at him.

"Je suis le démon du fromage" the plant said tilting his head a little

"What?" Vince asked not able to translate the French the cheese was saying.

"The cheese demon" The plant said looking down in disappointment "I was hoping if I said it in French that I would sound more threatening."

"What do you want with me?" Vince asked as he curled up on the sofa.

"Je n'ai pas encore décidé." The plant said raising its leaf hands in an eerie sort of way.

"What?" Vince asked again

"I haven't decided yet."

"Should I go back up to my room?"

"Non, ce n'est ma chamber!"

"Could you just speak in English please?" Vince said with a smirk

"Sorry French is my mother tongue." What I said was "No that is my room."

"Then where do I live?"

"I have a home for you in the back garden."

"I'm not sleeping in a shed."

"I was thinking more along the lines of a doghouse" the plant said

"NO!" Vince yelled

"Fine you can have my spare room."


	3. Chapter 3

The plant led Vince up the bright yellow stairs and to the right. It led him to an old dusty room with a door that looked like it would fall off its hinges at any second.

"Je-"

"English please." Vince interrupted

"I haven't used this room since my son was here he was such a cute little babybel." The cheese plant said drifting off into a daydream

"Back to earth please!" Vince interrupted him again

"Sorry, you might have to clean up a bit." The cheese added opening the door with one of its fronds.

Vince's eyes widened as he saw what state the ancient room was in. The floorboards looked like they would collapse under the weight of a butterfly, the ceiling looked like it would break from a whisper of the wind and the bed looked like it was poorly made from matchsticks because of all the woodworm and tunnels through its well built frame. The dusty old window was decorated so many crack that it looked like a spider's web. The floor and bed were coated in a thick layer of dust roughly 5 centimetres deep. Everything looked like it was yellow once, but had now faded to a greyish gold because of all the dust and neglect.

"Well, get cracking!" the plant piped up hurling a pair of marigold rubber gloves, an empty bucket and a feather duster at Vince, who ducked. The cleaning utensil landed with a "poof" noise in the thick dust. Vince coughed and choked as he retrieved them.

"Water, Flash and sponges in the bathroom." The plant told him then headed for the stairs.

"No way." Vince said looking from the plant to the room and back again. "No bloody WAY am I cleaning this room! I'm allergic to work!"

"It's either cleaning or doghouse!" The plant shouted to him

Vince unhappily put the gloves on over his rainbow painted nails and then went to fill the bucket. He filled it right to the top and then realised that it was too heavy. It took him two minutes to get the bucket to the over neglected room so he left it outside his door.

He dipped the sponge into the soapy water and got to work washing the walls. Dust puffed up around his feet as he moved around the room. He was permanently frightened that the dust would sully his expensive boots that Howard had paid for. Howard. Vince stopped scrubbing the wall.

"Why wasn't Howard coming to save him?"

"It's because he doesn't care about you!" A voice in the back of his head sniped vindictively

"That's not true." Vince muttered "not true"

Then, accomplished jazz boomed loudly from downstairs. The plant was taunting him! The voice in Vince's head drifted away, screaming, and Vince sank to the floor sobbing. Why wasn't Howard here to help him? Vince cried silently in his room until he heard the cheese plant go back outside and the jazz stopped. Vince's stomach rumbled but that didn't surprise him. He hadn't eaten anything all day. He knocked on his door deliberately to get the cheese plants attention.

"Que voulez-vous?" the cheese answered "I mean what do you want!?"

"Food" Vince yelled weakly through the door

"Like what?" the cheese demon asked angrily

"Anything"

The cheese plant sent a block of cheese through the newly cleaned window

"Do you want some?" Vince asked trying to be nice

"You mean eat my own people!" the cheese replied horrified

"Sorry" Vince replied as he sat back down on his wobbly bed. A spider crawled across the mattress. Vince squashed it with his pillow.

"You can clean that yourself!" the cheese plant called up.

Vince threw the pillow across the room and it hit the cheese plants family photo. The glass shattered and the wood splintered.

"Vous allez payer pour ce!" the cheese plant hollered up "I mean you are going to pay for that!"

"I cant I have no money!"

"Not with money!"

Vince closed the window at this point. He had heard enough.


	4. Chapter 4

Vince sat down on the bed. His head still full of thoughts about his future. Was he going to be here for the rest of his life or would he find some amazing way to escape. "Something will come up," he said to himself "something always does."

He could hear the cheese demon yelling threats up to him but he couldn't make sense of them because he had shut the window. Vince lifted the sponge and absentmindedly started washing the wall he had cleaned just half an hour ago. The sponge eventually became dry so Vince went back to the door to dip the sponge into the now cold and soapy water. On his way back Vince stumbled over the broken frame on the floor. He got to his knees and stared at the frame. He examined the picture inside it and saw how happy the cheese demon had once been with his family. Vince noticed that on the picture frame there was a little note on it that seemed to be written in pencil, it read: To daddy love from babybel.

Vince smiled thinking of the happy life the cheese demon once lead. Look at him now! His life must have really gone downhill.

Vince noticed that on the frame there were broken pieces of pasta and hard glue.

Then he found out that there were broken pasta shapes all over the floor.

They must have been made by his son.

"Come down here now!!!" the cheese demon said

"What do you want" Vince asked irritated as he walked down the stairs.

"What did you smash?"

"Your family portrait." Vince whispered

"What?" The plant asked its eyes glowing red

"I broke your family portrait!" Vince yelled in reply

"That's it!" the cheese demon yelled lifting Vince of his feet.

"You're cheese!" Vince said mainly to himself not believing his eyes because of the fact he was now 6ft higher than he normally was

"Yes, I am and you're toast!" The cheese snarled as he lifted Vince even higher

"What do you mean?"

"It means you're dead!!!!"

"Oh, great!" Vince said kicking the cheese demon in the shins

The cheese demon brought Vince into the street and tied him to a lamp post. The rope he used was a giant strawberry bootlace.

Vince hadn't looked at food other than cheese never mind eat it! Vince was busy trying to eat the bootlace to care about what the cheese said

"blah blah blah stupid blah blah blah Vince blah blah blah cheese blah blah blah fight."

"Wait a minute!" Vince yelled

"What?" the cheese on stems asked

"What came after the twelfth blah?"

"Oh, fight that means you must fight me in a battle!"

"What with?"

"Your hands and feet but no teeth!!!" the cheese said thinking ahead.

"Come on then cheesy!

Vince swiped at the cheese but because he was tied to the post he missed by miles.

The cheese was running straight at him.

There was no other choice Vince was going to have to eat his way through the lace.

He just got free as the cheese demon got to him.

Vince curled up in a ball, there was no way he could escape out of this one!

The cheese demon was just about to hit him in the face when...................................................


	5. Chapter 5

BANG!! Vince rubbed his eyes with his hands then he looked around. He was in his room (now on the floor)

"What.... happened?" Vince asked Naboo who was standing nearby

"You were in a cheese coma."

"A what?" Vince asked confused

"A cheese coma you nearly died!" Naboo said

"Really?"

"We had to move you from the floor onto your bed because you were so cold, Bollo was almost sure you were dead!"

"Wow!"

"I know! You were out for ages! It was only your faint breathing which Howard noticed that stopped us from burying you!"

"Howard!" Vince said smiling

"What about him?"

"Where is he?"

"In the living room."

"Go and get him please!" Vince said excitedly

Vince waited a minute "So that was all one big dream?" he asked himself

He couldn't answer his question because Howard entered the room!

"How are you?" Howard asked Vince with a smile on his face

"I'm okay." Vince said sitting up

"Good, although you look a bit pale."

"What happened while I was gone?"

"Nothing. It was a long week though!"

"Wow! A week!"

"Yeah, all your friends left you gifts and cards and stuff like that."

"Cool, can I see them!"

"Of course!"

Vince went to stand up but fell back onto the floor again.

"Careful, little man!"

"Whoops!" said Vince with a giggle. He was just so happy to be alive!

All his friends had left him presents so the whole living room was covered in gifts of all shapes and sizes!

He tore into the presents and got all sorts of clothes, accessories and sweets!

Meanwhile outside in the streets the cheese demon was looking through the window

"Comment at-il réveiller. J'étais si près de gagner!"

With that the cheese plant vanished forever and Vince stayed healthy even though there were over a million sweets now to his name.

"Adieu monde cruel!" were the cheese plants very last words.

Sometimes Vince dreams about his visit to cheese world but usually wakes up with just a shock.

HHhoihiubhkjbjkjkhbjkbjk


End file.
